Blog Silence

Not intended, not meant. I've noticed the more I read the less I write; the more family, work and money matters pull me into their respective spheres to pay attention to their voices the less I write.

Such is the situation now. All of these factors have been contributing whimsically to snooze my Muse.

But I'll be back soon.

What Is Borrowed, What is Blue?

I’m no expert on Algerian weddings – I’ve only attended two. But from my slight vantage point I can offer some fun facts about wedding finery.

The bride is the spectacle, the star of the show, and the focus of all attention. Depending upon the means of the family, the bride may appear in as many as seven different dresses, including her “robe blanche” which is always a traditional Western white wedding gown and usually worn at the end of the evening. The bride is also loaded down with gold and diamond jewelry - forget understated, forget restraint. This is an occasion for her to go all out and display her personal collection, family heirlooms and gifts from the groom.

Most of the dresses selected combine regional, traditional Algerian styles with Western-style formal evening gowns. I've found a few authentic photos that show some different styles.

Here are two pictures of the classic style from Constantine in eastern Algeria. This is a very difficult dress to wear - the embroidered fabric can be quite heavy and the style seems to automatically add 10 pounds to even the most slender women.














Here’s are two samples of Karakou, a style which originated in Algiers. It combines a heavily embroidered velvet jacket with fitted satin harem pants usually slit up the sides with sort of a balloon effect around the ankles. It sounds uncomfortable but it’s more like a skirt that hampers any sort of walking other than daintily. This has always been a favorite style of mine - I think it looks sleek and elegant.

















Many women select at least one of their dresses to honor their family heritage – it could be a classic kaftan made from layers of silk and satin such as either of these two dresses












or a traditional Kabyle wedding dress like this. I have the same outfit, although mine is made of a coarser silk. It’s incredibly comfortable to wear and dance in.

The one thing it's difficult to show in photos is how opulent these costumes are. Some of the ensembles are simply breathtaking but just don't photograph that well.

The women get all the fun, however, as no one has the slightest bit of interest in what the groom is wearing. He could show up in a tee shirt and jeans to probably barely a ripple - well, that's some exaggeration. The groom is generally well turned out in a classic dark suit, shirt and tie, but believe me when I say no one looks at him.

Which seems to be the case in weddings all over the world.

In Which Our Heroine Makes Some Sense

A few days ago, I wrote this:

This most recent plan to combine disparate liquid elements, attach a simple detonator and blow up planes over the Atlantic is likely something Algerian security forces wouldn't be able to detect. From what I've read over the last three days, while the liquid combination/resulting explosion can be done, it's not as simple as mixing a pitcher of martinis. It would be very tricky operationally, and would be as likely to backfire/misfire as succeed.

Today, I read this:
Binary Explosives - Definitely Not As Easy As Martinis

I won't claim any sort of prescience of anything, but remember where you read it first, eh?

The Kissing!

I didn't experience much culture shock during our trip to Algeria. I don't know what to ascribe this lack to, other than that we stayed in hotels during a fair amount of the time, as well as dividing our vacation between the two largest cities, Algiers and Oran. These are much more modern cities than Westerners usually expect, and thus are more open and easier to decipher. While I never forgot I was in North Africa, I did not experience any privation and, except for Oran, much in the way of staring (which deserves its own post).

I was more comfortable with Mr. FH's family at the gatherings, so perhaps I'm more accustomed to what will occur and therefore am less nervous as a consequence.

But the kissing!

Family members and close friends kiss hello and goodbye all the time. At a family event, when confronted with a twenty member "reception" line (which they resemble), the strategy is to learn whom one kisses four times, twice on each cheek, when two kisses will suffice and, most importantly for a Westen woman, if it is appropriate to kiss a male relative at all or settle for a hearty handshake.

It's a minefield, people! There are no hard and fast rules - personal attachment and sentiment factor into the equation, as do familial ties and respect for elders.

I present a short multiple answer quiz to test your comprehension (reader surveys show they like these best of all):

1. When greeting or saying goodbye to my mother-in-law, with whom I do not share any common language, do I

A. Kiss her four times
B. Kiss her two times
C. Kiss her four times, exchange warm greetings in Arabic, and give her a big hug?
D. Hearty handshake
E. Wave feebly

This is very easy (now that I think of it, this entire post could serve as a primer for every American wife confronting North African or Middle Eastern in-laws). The obvious answer is C; however, this is predicated on my learning proper warm greetings in Arabic beforehand.

2. When greeting or saying goodbye to Mr. FH's aunt, using the above choices, what do I do?

Again, the answer is C. Not just because she is Mr. FH's aunt, or because she is an elderly person, but because I know she helped raise him - it is necessary to be aware of important family relationships to avoid potential missteps. She wouldn't be offended if I didn't get it right, but she would assume, and perhaps correctly, that I had so little interest in his formative years and her part in them that I would neglect to give her the most respectful greeting.

3. When greeting or saying goodbye to Mr. FH's brother-in-law's elderly mother, using the above choices, what do I do?

I might be tempted to again employ response C, as it is a good default. However, that would be incorrect given the relative distance between us. Sure, she's an old lady, but response B is most correct. She certainly won't expect me to employ the warmest greeting, so I would not be wrong with response B.

4. When greeting or saying goodbye to any child in the family under the age of twenty, using the above choices, what do I do?

By now you should be getting into the groove - children always rate a B response - it is their default setting from birth and needn't be disturbed until they get older or they form an personal, emotional attachment with you. As they will probably not do this until they are at least twenty or so or are perceived as adults in their own right, the default child setting should stay.

5. When greeting the wife of Mr. FH's nephew, using the above choices, what do I do?

This hardly dignifies a response, as it is exactly the same as question #4. Spouses of nieces, nephews, cousins and siblings, unless one has close ties, rate the B response. So, Nephew's Wife will get a B response until/if she and I form a more solid attachment, at which time we'll both likely consider whether we rate response C.

6. When meeting brothers or nephews of Mr. FH's brother-in-law for the first time, using the above choices, what do I do?

If you've been following this quiz at all, this is a no-brainer. Response D is the only proper one to employ. The degree of distance, the fact that I don't know them, and the men v. women aspect that is a very real and important part of the culture all point to D as the only proper response.

7. When confronted with an infant, regardless of gender, regardless of family affiliation, what do I do?

Babies are the ultimate kiss frenzy. Feel free to kiss the baby non-stop. Babies exist to be kissed non-stop. It's a blessing - run with it.

Mr. FH's family is huge, and often the familial relationships aren't crystal clear to me - frankly, he doesn't know half the people to whom he's related. I may have surprised a relative on occasion by giving them four kisses when they're only expecting to receive (and give) two. Conversely, those to whom I should be bestowing four kisses have perhaps been surprised with a meagre two.

It goes without saying that these protracted hellos and goodbyes are performed somewhat leisurely - don't think you can leave even an informal family gathering with a wave and "bye all!" exclamation from the doorway.

Ain't done. At times it can be tiring - mostly I think it's sweet, although there are times when I'd love nothing more than making mad dash for escape.

But the kissing is a pervasive habit I found very hard to break upon my return to New York, so I apologize to those of you not accustomed to the custom.

Until Wednesday

Is it possible to be homesick for a country that's never been your home? Because I have been feeling some nostalgia already about our trip.

Perhaps I'm feeling blue because Mr. FH is still in Algeria and I'm in New York. We've been separated before - the longest occasion was six weeks - and every time it's been difficult. I've discovered some successful coping strategies over the course of time, but I've also found that not every tip works consistently.

So for me, I think, home is where the heart is, and my heart is now 6,000 miles away. Mr. FH calls, but not often, and I let dishes pile up in the sink and spend quite a few aimless hours pacing the apartment. Sleeping alone used to be so difficult, but I solve the problem by taking one of his worn tee shirts and draping it onto his pillow. It's not a perfect substitute, but it works if I wake during the night.

I get up in the morning, go to work, make plans to see friends in the evening for drinks, take out the garbage, buy coffee filters and orange juice - the same kinds of things I would do if Mr. FH were here. But he's not here, and I feel his lack so keenly.

I'm thinking of things to write, ways to describe Algeria to make it come alive as I experienced it.

The major component I'm missing is the warm, funny and loving Algerian man who has been my best friend and husband for the last 9 years.

File Under: Airport Security, Experiences Of

I had three reactions to this week's report from Britain about the foiled terrorist activity involving blowing up airplanes traveling from the UK to the US - the first was "damn I'm glad I flew back last Sunday", the second was "damn, Mr. FH doesn't come home until next week - eek!", and the third was "good - now we finally might get actual genuine security measures put in place rather than the mickey mouse routines to which we usually are subjected."

I'm sorry to say that the TSA looks like a group of kindergarteners trying to locate their opposable thumbs in comparison to the stringent security measures practiced elsewhere in the world.

Algeria, after a gruesome decade of civil war and their own internal struggles with violent splinter groups, has, as one might imagine, designed and implemented a set of most impressive and thorough procedures for airport security.

To enter the grounds of the airport, there are two police checkpoints and at the second one must allow the police to check the trunk of the car. To enter the airport building itself one must send all baggage through the xray machine, go thrugh a metal detector, and all males are physically frisked (shout out to the military guy snoozing after I went through the metal dectector on my way home - he absentmindedly helped himself for a nano-second to a handful of my chest before realizing his mistake - nice to know my surprised expression and raised eyebrows could make an officer blush!).

These procedures set the tone for the remainder of one's airport experience - I won't go into additional detail, although these are by no means state secrets. The presence of soldiers with machine guns positioned around the aircraft as passengers are brought to the plane by bus isn't chilling or overly martial; on the contrary, the military presence is oddly comforting.

Each and every security measure the Algerians employ are meaningful and performed for a reason - they are not frivolous activities meant to do nothing but delay or annoy innocent travelers. There is no profiling invovled as every single passenger, with no exceptions, is subjected to the same security measure. Each carry on bag is opened and inspected; all passengers are frisked by either a male or female officer before being allowed to ascend the stairway to the jet.

When flying the national airline, each piece of checked baggage must be "recognized" by its owner. Baggage is stacked neatly on the tarmac next to the plane - before boarding, each person physically picks up their bags and puts them on the baggage cart. Any unclaimed bag is immediately taken away and destroyed. Needless to say, with this method one never loses one's luggage, and it also reminds one to pack lightly.***

Do these stringent security measures make it terribly difficult to fly? I refuse to believe they do. Sure they're inconvenient, they take a lot of time, and inevitably delays ensue. The flight rarely takes off on time and it often feels as if the delays are eternal. (I've concluded that Hell isn't other people, it's eternity spent waiting in an Algerian airport). Do any of these measures erode one's civil liberties? Not in the least, although some men have told me that the frisking can be a bit too intimate, if you know what I mean. Algeria's air security record is now spotless. Security is performed by the military; it is well paid and well respected work, as opposed to the sporadically trained and chronically underpaid staff of the TSA.

Will we ever see such intelligent, sensible and purposeful security employed in the US? I don't think we will. Americans have for so long been so conditioned to go where they please and follow their travel whims with the minimum of fuss attached to their movements that it would take an enormous and unimaginable tragedy, or series of them, to change what is essentially a very stubborn state of mind.

I regret losing the innocence of air travel in years past, but all the regret in the world can't change the world we now live in, which is a much more sinister place than most Americans are willing to admit. And until Americans do admit that they have just as vulnerable a seat at the global table as every other nation, we'll continue to be painted with a red bulls-eye. We could learn a great deal by implementing even a small segment of Algeria's security methods, and I'm sorry to say that as a country we are still too arrogant to consider such an exercise worthwhile.

This most recent plan to combine disparate liquid elements, attach a simple detonator and blow up planes over the Atlantic is likely something Algerian security forces wouldn't be able to detect. From what I've read over the last three days, while the liquid combination/resulting explosion can be done, it's not as simple as mixing a pitcher of martinis. It would be very tricky operationally, and would be as likely to backfire/misfire as succeed. Am I glad that British intelligence uncovered the potential plan and arrested those involved? Hell yes. Will I fly in the future, even if the current strict carry-on measures become a way of life? Hell yes.

But don't behave as if a pot of lipgloss poses a grave security breach. That, my friends, is a textbook example of Fresh Hell.



***Air Algerie pilots are among the best in the world - they always land the planes with the most delicate touch.

Algeria - Where Hospitality Was Invented

There's a wonderful quality to Algerians that is appreciated by all who come in contact with them - their superb hospitality is truly one of their most appealing and happily enduring cultural characteristics.

I don't know what exactly contributed to this charming aspect of their culture, but the hospitality gene is evident in every single Algerian I've encountered.

Food, drink, the shirt off their backs - nothing is too good for a guest. The comfort and well being of the guest, whether that person is a stranger, a distant cousin or a treasured family member is of paramount importance to them.

While their customs of hospitality have obviously been transmitted through centuries of tradition, modern Algerians have also inherited a great deal of personal pride, which I see reflected as a healthy self esteem and is evident in the care they afford their guests.

In the context of wider cultural observations, Algerians consider class distinctions quite formally; their cultural concepts about class are generally so well understood amongst themselves and they don't necessarily feel they need to explain them to outsiders. (The entire concept of foreigners in the country deserves its own post, which I'll write later.) In this rapidly developing country, many of the subtle demarcations they take for granted aren't well understood by or explained to foreigners.

But no matter who you are, there is food, drink, a bed for the night if you wish, and water with which to wash. And sometimes for a weary traveler it doesn't get any better than that.

Back From Vacation

I'm back - just returned from Algeria last night. We had a lot of fun and I have so many adventures to relate. Jet lag and I are currently best buddies, so I'll post more as the week progresses.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with a few of my personal tag lines for an advertising campaign for the country:

Algeria - One Big Outdoor Sauna

Algeria - We May Have Air Conditioning, We May Not

Algeria - You Will Dance Until Your Feet Are Bloody Stumps (well, maybe this one is a little too harsh for ads but it's true, damnit!)

Algeria - Where Hospitality Was Invented

I'm looking forward to sharing my stories and hope my wee group of readers will enjoy reading them.