Praise for the Barry

Mr. FH and I have a quintessential bartender who embodies all of the most important qualities a superlative bartender should possess.

We call him Barry. The qualities of a proper Barry (gender completely irrelevant but I'll use the masculine pronoun here for clarity) are few but important:

1. He should be attentive to his customers. He needs to know who's drinking what and at what speed they are imbibing. Drinks should appear to his customers as if by magic, and they should not have to perform frantic waving actions to get his attention.

2. He should be prepared: for example, if he has a small group rapidly downing Heinekens, then he should put extra bottles on ice for the inevitable rounds for which he'll be asked.

3. He should be cheerful, swift, and clean. Economic in his actions, quick to clear away empty bottles, and crisp with a coaster.

4. He should understand the ratio of free rounds to eventual tip, and be able to recognize and cull from the herd the amateur drinkers as opposed to the professionals. Professional drinkers will always tip correctly and lavishly, provided there are free rounds. This is often a matter of trust, and the genuine professional wastes no time establishing this important trust early on in the encounter. The true Barry can rapidly distinguish the amateur by their lack of confidence and/or their inability to tip correctly, thus costing the Barry perhaps only one free round.

5. The true Barry is shrewd but cordial, and should possess a nearly uncanny ability to remember faces if not names. Putting the correct name to a face catapaults the Barry to the top of the heap, which puts more pressure on him to provide properly as noted in point 4.

The most wonderful thing about Barry is that we encounter him everywhere - we've found, cultivated and nicknamed bartenders in New York, France, Spain, Morocco, and Algeria. Our roster includes Paris Barry, Agadir Barry, Casablanca Sports Bar Barry, Sheraton Barry, That One Place Barry, and of course in pride of place, Original Barry.

And one of the best things about the perfect Barry is that he remembers us, even if we only see him once a year.

So to all the Barrys we've discovered - salut! (And we'll see you soon.)