He's Just Not That Into You
I have been working on some future posts but have also been mucho distracted-o by the highly engaging World Cup. It's been great fun to follow and hopefully, "les vieux"*** will prevail and France will win.
Curiously, though, as I've been talking with fellow soccer fan friends and colleagues, everyone seems to automatically frown when I express my hopes for the French team's victory. I thought the whole "we hate frogs" movement died out some time ago, along with idiocies like Freedom Fries, cheese eating surrender monkeys, and ceremoniously dumping bottles of wine. (To this day, I still don't get that. Nor could I persuade anyone to dump an expensive bottle of wine anywhere in my vicinity. Le Sigh.)
Well, the Anti-French movement is alive and well and present in New York, which seems to me the least likely city to harbor this sort of bigotry. It seriously confuses me. A friend actually told me today that he hates France because the French hate Americans. This is patently untrue. The average French citizen doesn't hate Americans. They ignore them, perhaps, or refuse to kowtow to the absurd notion Americans hold that they are suited to rule the world, but the French don't actively hate Americans. Perhaps they hate loud obnoxious uncouth dolts who routinely mangle the tiniest word in their language and falsely malign their culture and history, but that's a specific sort of loathing aimed at a distinct sub-set of person least likely to ever set foot in their country. But a general, consuming type of Insta-Hate? I think not.
To hate someone or something presupposes that one cares deeply about him/her/it, in one way or another. Hate isn't the absence of love; it is love's polar opposite. Both are emotions meaningfully felt; both are emotions in which one's inner life and outer energies are actively engaged. It's nearly as exhausting to hate as it is to love.
What I suspect the French (and most of the world who, when seen from looking out of the fishbowl of this country, appear glaringly hostile) feel for Americans is indifference. Perhaps also annoyance, too, at this country's insistence on expressing sentiments in the global arena such as Me First Always, or If You Have Stuff We Want We'll Take It, With Force If Necessary, and other petulant whining more suitable to toddlers than nations.
Yet indifference is easy. No emotions are engaged, because one just doesn't care that much.
During my travels, I've often been the recipient of this type of indifference, and amazingly, I've lived to tell the tale with my ego and sense of self intact. I never expect to be universally loved when I travel abroad - in my opinion that's a simplistic view to take.
At times I feel as if I'm under a microscope, where the smallest of my actions is being filed away under Typical Behavior, American and on occasions my nationality has been a burden I'd prefer to confer on someone else - it's not easy being a representative of a currently difficult nation.
Overall I'm relieved to be pleasantly addressed - a smile is icing on the cake.
To avoid eventual heartache, the best advice I can give my countrymen in their dealings with the world at large is to always remember: He's Just Not That Into You.
***Les vieux translates into the old guys - most of the French team is older, and quite a few of them will retire after this season. In my opinion, all the more reason for them to win the World Cup and go out in a blaze of glory.
posted by Miliana at 9:05 PM
4 Comments:
The word 'indifference' works very well as an explanation for what I've always believed a method of distancing for our 'friends and allies.'
Frankly, I think America confuses most of the world. There is such a wide abyss between what we say we believe, the general warmth and openness of normal American people, and the various questionably ethical actions our government takes as foreign policy. I also think the confusion has worsened during the last decade because normal Americans have quietly acquiesced in government decisions that our foreign friends never believed we would allow to stand.
They see us (the people) as bad mouthing them by proxy, and as it relates to the French, who have a level of cynicism younger nations can't hope to match, we get nasty about them because we don't like being spanked by sophisticates whose style we actually admire.
Ilionas is correct. We've reverted to the childishness of thwarted two-year olds.
As to soccer - it's amazing we even have a men's team, since the sport requires a level of finness that doesn't fit our image of male toughness and brawniness. We see 'attacking' as a mano a mano slug fest, not a game of fancy footwork which to the testerone drenched brain means running away rather than standing to fight (which makes it even funnier when you recall that our team was the only one that traveled without identifying marks on the team bus).
Personal opinion - we fielded the wrong bunch. We should have sent our woman's team to the World Cup. They're tougher, stronger, and better players and I seriously doubt they would have lost to Gana, as John Stuart said, was the least malnourshished of the African teams.
Excellent comments all!
Stoic-I was actually remembering your recent trips to France and how enjoyable it was for you, and also how genial the natives were.
Ilonas- the idea that we see the world's censure as a personal attack is really true - I just think it's so short-sighted and dumb. As you know, I also have become quite a devoted soccer fan - the energy, stamina, skill, suspense - it's a sport that has pretty much everything!
Kaz-I agree with you that Americans are very confusing. The word you used (abyss) is so apt in this instance. At times our exuberance is admired but it is in itself somewhat exhausting for the rest of the world.
I also think Europeans and others are often baffled by what THEY assume is the reality of democracy and what it truly IS.
The sheer vastness of the country is also a huge surprise for those that have never been here - honestly, how to govern such diverse (and often perverse) people?
On the soccer front: I was very disappointed by the performance of the US team. It was a miracle they made it into the Cup at all. As far as Ghana is concerned - well, I was rooting for them early on as the classic underdogs - there was some talent there.
And who knew you watched John Stewart?
Stoic - you made me laugh - heartily. Odd? You don't know the half of it. And isn't it absolutely great????
What's wonderful about all of you loyal readers is that you have only one thing in common, besides your own unique oddness - you all know me IRL but not each other. And Kaz is right - Stoic hit it on the head with the odd assortment we've got here (all cherished by the author, I might add, for the quirks and laughs I've had and hope to enjoy for a long time).
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