File Under: The Satisfaction of Mythology

I can’t think of a single thing to write about. Sometimes there’s a spate of topics in my mind that are all clamoring for expression. Lately it feels as if I have one lone chickpea rolling to and fro amid a vast and empty space.

I have fleeting thoughts and concepts and think to myself, “Yes, Vikings – I do have an endless fascination and admiration for ancient Norse culture – what a great idea for a post.”

Then I sit down to actually write and the post curiously sputters and fizzes. I sigh, save a draft, peer at it at later intervals, add a few clumsy edits. Lather, rinse, repeat.

It’s not for lack of passion or lack of information (the myrmidons of Google have been kind in spewing forth info on alarmingly diverse topics), so maybe I can blame it on the elusive yet mysterious essences of majestic One-Eyed Odin, god of war, wisdom and poetry; the darling of the common man Thor, god of thunder and wielder of lightning; and finally my personal favorites, The Valkyries.

As far as minor mythological figures go, I always thought they had a pretty good gig. They represented the ultimate in their culture’s definition of feminine beauty, and in their role as Odin’s messengers rode either winged horses (or packs of wild wolves, either of which are suitably exotic) while clad in armor and helmets (it was said the flickering glow from their armor caused the aurora borealis - I find this stupendously romantic).

The Valkyries main task, as Choosers of the Slain, was to roam Earth's battlefields and choose the bravest souls of slain warriors to join Odin in Valhalla, where every day the souls of the warriors would engage each other in mock combat on the plains of Asgard in preparation for the final, “end of the world” battle between the gods and the giants, referred to as Ragnorak. Every night they would return to Valhalla to feast on roasted boar and drink mead.

I don't believe a more macho version of the afterlife even exists, yet it's a practical and well-defined view of Heaven, offering daily exercise honing one's warrior skills plus the promise of endless nights of hearthside warmth full of hearty food, copious drink, and congenial companions.

Heaven should be just this; a place set aside for maidens and heros alike, each day an opportunity to be one's physical best - an eternity spent snug in Odin's feast hall, surrounded by one hell of a wild and wooly party.